We parsed 71,216 real emails from four public corpora — the Git mailing list (2022–2026), Enron's internal mail (1999–2002), and two decades of spam and phishing — and counted how every one of them ends. "Best regards" turns up in 0.71% of human emails: 1 in 141. Most email doesn't close at all, with 69.7% of Git list messages and 57.7% of Enron's carrying no sign-off formula. When people do close, they say thanks — 84.7% of Git list closings, 62.9% of Enron's. The surprise came from the control...